The following is a repost from last spring. I removed it from the blog over the summer because we had a potential birth family considering us as an adoptive family for their baby. I gave them the blog address, but I wanted to explain Kiddo's diagnosis to them in person, instead of having them read bits and pieces of it on the blog. But this is an important part of our family's story (and I was writing a post today and realized it wouldn't make much sense unless this post was available as background)...
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You might say that one of the "occasional lemons" that we've found thus far in our journey as a family is autism. Our son is autistic. Not in the classic autism sense, but in the has-some-autistic-characteristics-so-has-been-diagnosed-on-the-very-high-functioning-end-of-the-autism-spectrum sense (did you know autism was a spectrum of multiple disorders with a variety of symptoms and a wide range of severity? I surely didn't a year ago).
I tell you this not to try and gain sympathy or pity (although sympathy from those who understand our unique challenges is welcome on those hard days). I don't expect (nor do I want) to write regularly about parenting a spectrum child, but I feel like I need to provide a point of reference so that, if I happen to write about how excited I am that my son actually participated in a game of soccer with his classmates at recess last week, you will hopefully understand that I am not a crazy lunatic mom, but a mom who has watched her son struggle throughout the entire school year to understand the complex social interactions that are swirling around him with seemingly blazing speed, and it is crazy exciting to see him improve and grow. Crazyexciting AWESOME (I still feel like jumping and cheering - or crying - when I think about that soccer game).
What does it mean to have a child like mine? It means that I see my child eagerly wanting to spend time with other kids, but he is often on the sidelines. It means that he has trouble keeping up on the playground because he can't catch or throw a ball and has trouble with jumping, balance, and other skills that his peers take for granted. It means that he is a perfectionist who is occasionally overwhelmed by frustration when something isn't perfect [insert wailing and gnashing of teeth here]. It means that we have to deal with varying degrees of anxiety whenever there is a change in routine. It means that if he wakes up crying in the middle of the night for one reason or another, we never know if he will settle back down within minutes and sleep the rest of the night, or if he will escalate into a full-blown meltdown [insert more wailing and gnashing of teeth] that keeps all three of us up for an hour. It means that Hubby and I get to practice patience. Lots. And lots. Of patience.
I tell you this not to try and gain sympathy or pity (although sympathy from those who understand our unique challenges is welcome on those hard days). I don't expect (nor do I want) to write regularly about parenting a spectrum child, but I feel like I need to provide a point of reference so that, if I happen to write about how excited I am that my son actually participated in a game of soccer with his classmates at recess last week, you will hopefully understand that I am not a crazy lunatic mom, but a mom who has watched her son struggle throughout the entire school year to understand the complex social interactions that are swirling around him with seemingly blazing speed, and it is crazy exciting to see him improve and grow. Crazyexciting AWESOME (I still feel like jumping and cheering - or crying - when I think about that soccer game).
What does it mean to have a child like mine? It means that I see my child eagerly wanting to spend time with other kids, but he is often on the sidelines. It means that he has trouble keeping up on the playground because he can't catch or throw a ball and has trouble with jumping, balance, and other skills that his peers take for granted. It means that he is a perfectionist who is occasionally overwhelmed by frustration when something isn't perfect [insert wailing and gnashing of teeth here]. It means that we have to deal with varying degrees of anxiety whenever there is a change in routine. It means that if he wakes up crying in the middle of the night for one reason or another, we never know if he will settle back down within minutes and sleep the rest of the night, or if he will escalate into a full-blown meltdown [insert more wailing and gnashing of teeth] that keeps all three of us up for an hour. It means that Hubby and I get to practice patience. Lots. And lots. Of patience.
And it means that we get to delight in our son's unique gifts. He is smart. He reads well and loves numbers and math. He has an unbelievable memory. He has an original way of thinking that is quirky and cool. And he's just an amazing, sweet, gentle little guy (I'm totally unbiased).
At this moment, I'm not sure I would want to wish away his autism. His hurt, yes. As a mom, I would love to shelter him from at least some of that. But his autism is also a part of who he is, and I love ALL of him - including the autistic parts (kind of like how God loves ALL of us, too - only He does it better). I am so excited to see what kind of person my boy becomes. He is so unique and special, I am really enjoying watching him learn and grow and continue to become the kid he was meant to be. It is a pleasure to parent this boy, even with the unique challenges that come along with it. We will still work to give him the tools he needs to successfully navigate this world, but I don't want my objective to be to change him, to make him like everyone else.
This journey is an adventure. Definitely. There are low spots where we slog through the day and throw up our hands in exasperation, but they are overshadowed by the high spots - the peals of laughter, the curiosity and thirst for knowledge, the wacky creativity and sense of humor. And the adorable missing-tooth grins.
Sluuuurp. This is pretty tasty lemonade.
(for more info if you are really interested, our guy's "symptoms" are almost an identical match to Asperger's Syndrome, a disorder also on the autism spectrum. More info can be found here).
(for more info if you are really interested, our guy's "symptoms" are almost an identical match to Asperger's Syndrome, a disorder also on the autism spectrum. More info can be found here).
1 comment:
Just had to comment. I'm reading back through all of your "autism" tagged posts. It's good to know we're not alone. And I have to wonder how our kids would get along (or not) together, they seem so similar.
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