adoption news (it's probably not what you think)

My apologies – this is a lengthy post.  It is not one that you have to read in its entirety, but it is one that I had to write, for myself.

Several people have stopped me lately and asked if we had any adoption news.  The short answer is “yes…and no.”  Yes, we have news, but it’s probably not what most people expect to hear from us:  after much thought and prayer, Hubby and I have made the decision to step back from our plans to adopt from Ethiopia, at least for the time being.  We have – for now – closed the door on infertility treatments, adoption, and all other methods of growing our family (well, okay, that’s not entirely true…we are leaving ONE door open...) and are going to focus on being content as a family of three and enjoying the child with which we’ve been blessed.

We’ve surprised a lot of people with our decision, but it feels like the right one. 

There are several reasons for this change in direction.  The primary reason is that we found we were not completely at peace with Ethiopian adoption.  I can go into more details about our thought process later, if anyone is really curious, but for now I will just say that it became very clear that we weren’t ready.  Not that we think Ethiopian adoption is wrong (far from it) but it felt wrong for us, at least right now. 

We are weary.  We have been on this roller coaster journey trying to grow our family for nearly six years, and we - and our options - are exhausted.  We have tried to conceive on our own.  We have sought medical help through basic infertility treatments.  We have experienced miscarriage.  We have waited over two and a half years for a match through domestic infant adoption.  We have looked into foster care and international adoption.

And God has been present, but not very clear in his direction.  I feel like we have been stumbling and bumbling our way, trying to discern his will, taking steps of faith and listening for affirmation as we take them.  Most of those steps have felt right and good and positive, despite their seeming lack of results (Ethiopia didn't feel that way, and that was one of our first clues that we needed to re-think this).   But I feel like I’ve been the one in the driver’s seat, asking God (in the passenger seat) if I’m driving in the right direction.  Now, I'm ready to switch seats.  God can take the wheel.  If he wants our family to grow, I’m ready for him to let us know clearly and undoubtedly by "dropping children in our lap," if he so chooses.  If not, I think I am finally ready to be okay with that.  Is there still grief and pain over my infertility?  Yes.  But I want to live life in the moment instead of wishing for what could have been.  I want to fully enjoy the family I have already been blessed with, and to leave the rest up to the Lord. 

Kiddo still prays every once in a while for a baby sister, and I don’t know quite what to do with that.  I don’t want to quench his faith, but I also don’t see a baby sister in the future at this point.  For now I will encourage him to keep praying.  And I will pray that God makes his will for our family known.  If he wants us to be a family of three, I will be content, and I will pray that Kiddo’s faith will not be bruised by unanswered prayer.  If God wants us to adopt or get involved in foster care or some other ministry, I’m praying that he makes that blatantly obvious, and gives us a sense of peace and excitement and “rightness.”

In some ways this decision was difficult, because we know that there are orphans out there who need homes.  I almost feel guilty for changing my mind about adopting from Ethiopia, because I know the need is great, and I have developed a more tender heart for children and orphans.  Knowing what we now know, I don’t think we can sit back and do nothing.  I'm not sure yet what our involvement or ministry will look like, but I know that I want to do something.

We have been particularly troubled by the discovery that many Ethiopian children are orphans simply because of poverty.  It hurts me to think of the mothers (or fathers) who, lacking sufficient resources, are forced to make the gut-wrenching decision to place some or all of their children for adoption.  I want to get involved in the fight against that poverty.  What if, instead of adopting one or two children, we gave away even a portion of the money we have saved for our adoption?  Could we help even more children that way?  We could sponsor kids through Compassion or World Vision.  We could donate to an organization like the Heifer Project, supporting families for the long-term and helping them become self-sufficient.  If we can’t or don’t feel comfortable adopting, can we address the orphan crisis by helping those organizations that are working on long-term solutions to the poverty that creates so many orphans in the first place? 

I don’t know yet where the Lord will take us, or how he will ask us to get involved.  I pray that we will have open hearts and minds for what he might have in store.  In the meantime, I will praise him and thank him for the beautiful family that I already have, and for the things I have learned and ways I have grown while on this journey.