un(expected)

Almost exactly two years ago, our pastor at church was preaching about the story of Hannah.  As part of the service, Hubby and I shared about our own journey through infertility and our experience as we "waited on the Lord."  We shared about the tough stuff, the anger and disappointment and tears.  We shared about the lessons we were learning and the unexpected blessings that had come out of our experience.  And we shared about the peace that was slowly growing in our hearts as we continued to wait.

It is a fascinating thing, the effect this journey has had on me.  From depression, anger and grief to resignation, peace, and eventually contentment and even joy.  I was telling someone recently (finally) that I have slowly come to appreciate the time I have spent wrestling with infertility.  It has been incredibly difficult, this waiting and hoping and longing, the roller coaster of emotions and the disappointment of each seemingly closed door.  But I feel richer and deeper for having gone through the past six and a half years.  Life is hard.  Tough things happen to good people.  God won't always do what you ask him to, but that doesn't mean that he isn't good, that he isn't present, that he loves you any less.

                               He won't say the words you wish that he would
                               Oh, he don't do the deeds you know that He could
                               He won't think the thoughts you think He should
                               But He is good, He is good

                                                                       Kendall Payne - "Aslan"

It has taken me a long time to understand and truly believe that.  And even longer to accept it and find joy in circumstances I wouldn't have chosen for myself.  To be content, trusting that God is at work even though he seems silent.

Two years ago, as we stood up in front of our church family, we were just figuring these things out.  We didn't know what God was doing, and occasionally often wondered if he was doing anything at all.  We didn't know how or when our story would end.  And we still don't.  But, after six long years of waiting and wondering, we now know a little more about what to expect in the (totally UNexpected) next chapter...

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Meet our little peanut.  Due to arrive 5/22/12.  We are incredibly, unbelievably, undeservedly blessed.  Morning any-time-of-day sickness has never felt so good.